2. If you're a lady, everyone thinks you're single.
3. Air freshener and sanitizing wipes become more valuable than gold.
4. Crew scheduling doesn't care what time it is when they call.
5. 1 in every 100 flight attendants is truly living their dreams.
6. 10 of every 100 flight attendants are working to support an alcoholism dependency.
7. Nobody respects seat belts.
8. A mini-bottle of vodka can be a powerful bargaining tool.
9. Everyone thinks you know where everything is at every airport.
10. Gate agents don't know how long 5 minutes is.
11. Pilots are never allowed to be wrong.
12. 0 of 100 flight attendants are satisfied with how much money they earn.
13. A well placed flight cancellation can feel like winning the powerball.
14. Miles flown doesn't equal wisdom earned.
15. A flight attendant's accent could be completely fabricated.
16. Airport food is obscenely overpriced, even for us.
17. There is no elegant way to explain why soda isn't free.
18. Because we cross time-zones so often, there is no cut-off time for awkward text messages/late-night calls.
19. Passengers pretend they can't understand what an illuminated seat-belt sign means.
20. Shitty cities can have decent hotels.
21. Shitty hotels exist in decent cities.
22. Being thousands of miles in the sky is a humbling reminder of how small you are.
23. Las Vegas is alluring at night, on foot or on an aircraft.
24. Passengers who don't wear deodorant are their own category of terrorist.
25. Selective drink-comps can lead to untold treasures.
26. A good captain can make the weather their bitch.
27. A bad captain can find potholes in the sky.
28. There is no mercy reserved for the flight attendant who tells a passenger the truth.
29. The average safety demonstrations is choreographed chloroform.
30. A good safety demonstration catches their eye.
31. A great safety demonstration catches their applause.
32. Always let the most softly-spoken, polite flight attendant break the bad news to passengers.
33. Red eye flights do not turn your eyes red.
34. If you don't want people to buy things, do food service in the dark.
35. More children read the safety information card than adults do.
36. Adding a little flare to your safety demonstration will make an evacuation look fun.
37. Deadhead flights are basically paid power-naps.
38. As soon as a medical emergency occurs, every passenger suddenly graduates medical school.
39. Additional pins on flight attendant aprons are the equivalent to battle-scars.
40.Cute animals in the cabin can completely revitalize a stagnating flight.
41. All flight attendants are humanitarians at their core.
42. Flight attendants are dank meme generators.
43. Never trust a passenger who thinks they know more about flying than the captain.
44. Never presume a passenger's gender, no matter how thick the beard.
45. Longer flights means longer bonding opportunities.
46. Hotel shuttle drivers smile like they are talking shit about you in their heads.
47. Rich people flying on 'affordable airlines' have all the charm of used toilet tissue.
48. Passengers in sweatpants are just trying to show off their boners.
49. The abject terror in the eyes of passengers being carded on a Vegas flight is priceless.
50. California has better Mexican food than Mexico. (I'm aware it used to be Mexico)
51. The average 4 in San Diego is a 10 in Philadelphia.
52. A Slam-Clicker is a flight attendant who immediately goes to their hotel room and slams the door, clicks the lock, and proceeds to devolve into a cave-person for the duration of a layover.
53. If you assure a passenger you changed the temperature, they believe you even if you hadn't.
54. Coffee is the legal form of cocaine.
55. There is no such thing as personal space on a commercial aircraft.
56. A flight attendant with no snacks is a flight attendant with no friends.
57. True barbarism is when a previous flight crew has full restock carts, but fails to restock the service carts for the following crew.
58. A duckling is the most emotionally supportive animal a human being could possess.
59. Joining the "Mile High Club" is almost impossible on a public airliner unless you do yoga religiously.
60. "The Sky's the limit" becomes a played out statement rather quickly.
61. Flying exclusively to and from airports does not mean you are well-traveled.
62. For some reason, passengers think flight attendants are also tour guides.
63. Able-bodied passengers aren't always able-minded passengers.
64. For passengers, finding assigned seats is apparently more complicated than subatomic quantum theory.
65. Cash tips are accepted in all currencies... we'll eventually use it.
66. "Thanks for flying with us!" is code for "Hurry up and leave!"
67. Airplane toilets are the 2nd worst kind of public toilets, only trailing slightly behind those outhouses with the puddle of blue juice at the bottom...
68. Flying makes you feel like you're 'above' other, simpler careers.
69. Unaccompanied minors can either restore or revoke your faith in humanity.
70. Known-Crew-Member checkpoints are to flight attendants what EZ-Pass is for drivers, except free.
71. A flight attendant is a person who always has some place else to be, so it is always meaningful when they choose to stay.
72. Because we thrive so much on microwaveable meal-preps and restaurants, home-cooked meals always feel like Thanksgiving dinners.
73. Flying for $0 is priceless.
74. Buddy passes and companion benefits essentially cover birthday gifts throughout the year.
75. Since you're seldom at home because you're flying all the time, your house never gets too dirty or disorganized, and utility bills are lower.
76. It is perfectly normal for flight attendants and their pets to suffer from separation anxiety.
77. Changing a baby's diaper in a seat instead on the baby-changing table in the lavatory is considered a hate-crime against everyone on the plane.
78. The best view of the sky will always be found in the flight deck.
79. There should be an eject button for passengers who go to the airplane lavatories with no shoes on.
80. An airline credit-card pitch sounds eerily similar to a shady real-estate agent's timeshare pitch.
81. Passengers think flight delays can be complained away.
82. Flight attendants are proof that angel wings and demon wings can sometimes look exactly alike.
83. Snoring passengers occasionally need a reminder that they hadn't purchased a ticket for a private hotel room.
84. A Mexican standoff occurs when a gate agent wants to board the plane and the A-flight attendant refuses to board until they get a vacuum. The gate agents always win.
85. Boarding the plane early, especially at the impassioned request of a desperate gate agent, never leads to an early take off.
86. Flight attendants from different airlines tend to view each other with a sense of reverence and respect, not unlike how different branches of the military see each other.
87. Due to the diverse selection of layovers, this job prepares you to endure all climates.
88. The smiles on super-old people and young children during deplaning is the most accurate display of whether or not you did your job well.
89. Every flight attendant is a philosopher.
90. The ocean always looks gentle from 39,000 ft.
91. There really are a remarkable, borderline comical, amount of corn fields in the mid-west of the United States.
92. You will meet people with southern accents everywhere you fly.
93. Crew Scheduling is the real-life adjustment bureau.
94. If you're not already a social butterfly, this job will force you to at least be a social caterpillar.
95. You save a ton on phone data because you're constantly at airports and hotels, so you almost always have access to WiFi.
96. Once you have a line, you can start to have a life.
97. Beaches on the west coast are better than beaches on the east coast.
98. If a restaurant on the west coast claims to serve a Philly Cheese steak, they are firmly lying to you.
99. There is so much time spent meandering, on and off the aircraft, there's no excuse not to read. You will absolutely zoom through books.
100. It is so so so so so much more than selling peanuts and sodas...
